Tuesday, August 4, 2009


For such a long time Mexico was such a large part of me, and now it's kind of scary just how much of me it is not. Don't get me wrong Mexico will always be a part of me it just seems that everyday it's a little less. However. Four years ago (is that possible? Four years?) I was spending my first day in Mexico. And below is my thoughts on all of that.

August 4th 2005 12:19 pm
Okay now back to yesterday... I called Natalie, and she knew exactly where my pass port was and it seemed to be the only place I hadn’t check, the pocket against my computer in my computer bag. So we’re all off to the air port, and moms crying as I go in my gate, and I sit down to wait for my flight to start loading and I must admit I got a bit freaked out. Well long story short, I finally get to Mexico, and have no idea what to do. So I ask a woman, who does not speak a word of English, and she shows me how to get to customs, and that was a long line. I probably stood there for an hour, and I have no idea where I’m meeting my family.
After customs I go to find my luggage, and realize I am alone in figuring out how to carry all of this. Which is exactly when I saw these carts, and I then knew I could do this. After getting a cart, I stand there next to my bags looking really confused (which always works in the states as a sign for help) and then this guy came over and started putting my bags on the cart, and I was good to go. Walking out of the baggage claim area I stood there not even two minutes and there was Fernando my host brother. I was greeted by everyone (Arlina, Gina, and Fernando) with warm smiles and hugs. It felt good to be here.
11:44 pm
Just got back from tacos not too long ago. Best tacos I’ve probably every had, they were amazing. I think I had five. It was eleven when we got back, and this whole eating way late thing is throwing my off just a bit, but it’s okay. I wonder how my body will respond to it however, because at home I usually never eat past ten or so, okay so I try not to anyway.
Today was fun though, I mean it was just kind of... I’m not sure how to put it. I checked out all my schools, and went to hang out with Arlina and one of her friends, and listening to them and not knowing what’s really going on can really make a person tired, so Arlina offered to walk me home, and her friend said she wanted to come with us, so she did. After walking me home they went back to her friends house, and I laid down for what I wanted to be a ten minute nap, ended up being a two hour nap, and when I woke up I had no idea what was going on. It was nine o’clock, and I was the only one home. But I heard voices (no I’m not crazy) and I thought maybe they were from the top of the street but I was too scared to go up there by myself. So I just went into my room and watched Gilmore Girls with Spanish captions and ate gummy bears. Then Fernando (my dad not my brother) came down and invited me up stairs, but I guess I should first explain when he came into the story.
I think it was after my ten minute nap that I’d had after dinner (so it was like three thirty or so) and I heard him come in and Gina came to get me. Finally meeting him I could tell he was so excited and he just kept speaking Spanish and I would just nod and smile and say “si”. Some words I got and others I felt lost, but he seemed excited to see me. I guess I looked like I had been crying cause my face was all red, but I just slept face down on my pillow (and I’m not just saying that).
Back to the story though, he invited me upstairs and introduced me to everyone. I think it was both Grandmothers and Gina’s sister. They all spoke Spanish to me and I just smiled and nodded. It wasn’t long till I went down stairs to get my dictionary. Fernando asked me what I had done today and as I explained he told me how to say it in Spanish, and it helped but also went in one ear and out the other. The little girl that was there (second cousin I believe) was so cute. She was learning English and when everyone was looking at my scrap book she pointed to the picture of mom and Wiley and said “What is your dogs name?” It was very cute.
I am having the time of my life here, and can’t wait till tomorrow, things can only get better from here. But I think I am going to bed now because everyone else is asleep now. Good night
This is my life,
As just another foreign chick

Sunday, July 26, 2009

My Sunday todo list.

My sleeping habbits have been so out of wack lately. I can't sleep at night and then I sleep way too late in the day time. I guess it's not as bad as it was. Earlier this week I was going to bed at 5 am and waking up around 2pm. Not really the way I wanted to spend my day... sleeping. My last day of class is on Tuesday. And it's also the last day to register for classes. So I need to take a math placement test yet again to try and get out of this math class that I do not want to take... at all, not even a little bit. But here goes.
Sunday's todo list
Study Math
Clean bedroom
Do Laundry
Work on Screenplay
To be honest I will probably only get part of all of those done. Just part of the math I wanted to get done, and my bedroom will probably get mostly clean and I will do a little laundry and only a few pages of the screenplay. So this is how my Sunday will play out. Wish me luck.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Mi familia

It's no secret that I have a large family. On my moms side espically. Last weekend at the lake house, most of the family made it down. It was so loud and there were lots of little kids in the form of second cousins running around, playing house, screaming and just being loud. The first day I remember thinking that I wasn't sure I could handel a whole weekend with everyone there. Ty, Lara, Josh, George and I all slept in one room. It was good to see Josh too. I've known him since I was four, we used to be neighbors and while he isn't actual family it was still equally great to see him. In Wilmington, the people I know and the people I've met through out my life become more and more valuable because they know me for what I am. Me. While my small home town can sometimes drive me crazy, I love it. Because all the people there knew me before I had a chance to try and be someone else. My home town as seen me at my very best and my absolute worst and yet they still welcome me everytime I go back to visit. Back to the family though. Yesterday as everyone started to leave and all the noise slowly started to fade. I realized just how much I love my family. I might not see them very often and they might not even know me very well due to lack of communication but they are still a very big part of me, and that is what I love so much about them. I love that half of the little ones don't even really know me (not that I blame them, I could never keep my dad's cousin straight either). I just love that so many people (blood related or not) are my family.

Monday, June 22, 2009

I need a bread crumb trail

It wasn't until lately, during one of my late night conversations with my dear friend Matt that I realized how lost I am. I'm in Marshall Missouri, and I live in Wilmington, North Carolina. I'm not lost geographically. But I've lost me. Don't ask me how or why because I really don't know. I just know that one day I was on the phone and I suddenly realized that I had no idea what I really believed. I've always been told that if you put something down on paper, you're just asking for it to happen. So that's what I'm doing folks. I'm going to write down the person I want to be and think I should be and make her come out. I've seen her before, it's a side of me that I've seen and lived with and we had fun. So pray hard because if she does come out, it might be a rocky ride. Back to being lost though. It's scary. Especially when everything is so up in the air about everything. something has to change or I fear my whole world and all my dreams might fall apart. Wish me luck because I fear I will need it

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Me weight... ugh

Okay so my mom finally gave me an exciting incentive to lose weight. Here it is. If I can lose 50 lbs she will let me get my belly button fixed. The idea for me is crazy. For as long as I can remember I've always been the girl with two belly buttons. do I want to lose that part of me? I know it sounds completely retarded.... but it is what it is. I'm going to do it. I will lose 50 lbs. I'm going to do it no matter what it takes. I'm going to lose 50 lbs. I can I can I can I can... and break

Wish me luck

Friday, March 13, 2009


I have lived in Wilmington for almost fifteen months. I have loved living here, sometimes more than others. Spring break is going on right now. Last year I went to Florida to visit Nancy, this year Nancy came for a few days then went home. Well this year I stayed put. I wanted to have fun and do something exciting but didn't really expect too much. Well now that it's friday and my springbreak week is almost done, I look back on the week and realize just how much fun I had. For the first time I know SOME of the drink specials downtown, and where the fun places actually are. I finally know what clubs I hate and what places seem cool to hang out at. It took long enough but I'm finally really having fun. :D

Sunday, January 18, 2009

after all this time...

Since as long as I can remember that I have liked boys (and they have equally liked me back) I have been going somewhere. If some boy wanted some chance to get to know me, date me, whatever I always threw up the caution flag that I would be leaving in x ammount of time. Whether it was months, weeks, days or even hours, I always let them know. Letting them know sometimes was easier than others, but they always knew. So recently I came up against a boy if you will. Someone who liked mem and at first I thought I could equally like him. As time went on though, I learned he would be leaving. I had found this place where I could be happy standing still for a bit and he was leaving. I don't know why but it seemed from then on out I could not like him. Whether it was the way he kissed or the shaky feeling of his hand on my back. All of these things made me cringe about him. He had told me upfront that he would be leaving in x ammount of months and I couldn't believe it. While that was some time ago, and I have learned alot more about him, I just realized something new this morning. What if I hadn't known he was leaving? What if it was subconsciencely that that kept me from really liking him. I mean I wouldn't be leaving him so why would I let him leave me? I guess my main question today is. Could I have liked him more had I not known he was leaving? I'll probably never know that, and I'm okay with that.