Monday, June 29, 2009

Mi familia

It's no secret that I have a large family. On my moms side espically. Last weekend at the lake house, most of the family made it down. It was so loud and there were lots of little kids in the form of second cousins running around, playing house, screaming and just being loud. The first day I remember thinking that I wasn't sure I could handel a whole weekend with everyone there. Ty, Lara, Josh, George and I all slept in one room. It was good to see Josh too. I've known him since I was four, we used to be neighbors and while he isn't actual family it was still equally great to see him. In Wilmington, the people I know and the people I've met through out my life become more and more valuable because they know me for what I am. Me. While my small home town can sometimes drive me crazy, I love it. Because all the people there knew me before I had a chance to try and be someone else. My home town as seen me at my very best and my absolute worst and yet they still welcome me everytime I go back to visit. Back to the family though. Yesterday as everyone started to leave and all the noise slowly started to fade. I realized just how much I love my family. I might not see them very often and they might not even know me very well due to lack of communication but they are still a very big part of me, and that is what I love so much about them. I love that half of the little ones don't even really know me (not that I blame them, I could never keep my dad's cousin straight either). I just love that so many people (blood related or not) are my family.

Monday, June 22, 2009

I need a bread crumb trail

It wasn't until lately, during one of my late night conversations with my dear friend Matt that I realized how lost I am. I'm in Marshall Missouri, and I live in Wilmington, North Carolina. I'm not lost geographically. But I've lost me. Don't ask me how or why because I really don't know. I just know that one day I was on the phone and I suddenly realized that I had no idea what I really believed. I've always been told that if you put something down on paper, you're just asking for it to happen. So that's what I'm doing folks. I'm going to write down the person I want to be and think I should be and make her come out. I've seen her before, it's a side of me that I've seen and lived with and we had fun. So pray hard because if she does come out, it might be a rocky ride. Back to being lost though. It's scary. Especially when everything is so up in the air about everything. something has to change or I fear my whole world and all my dreams might fall apart. Wish me luck because I fear I will need it

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Me weight... ugh

Okay so my mom finally gave me an exciting incentive to lose weight. Here it is. If I can lose 50 lbs she will let me get my belly button fixed. The idea for me is crazy. For as long as I can remember I've always been the girl with two belly buttons. do I want to lose that part of me? I know it sounds completely retarded.... but it is what it is. I'm going to do it. I will lose 50 lbs. I'm going to do it no matter what it takes. I'm going to lose 50 lbs. I can I can I can I can... and break

Wish me luck