It’s no secret that I jump to conclusions. It’s also no secret that I’m a bitch in many people’s eyes. I mean hell even I know that. Here’s the thing though. I’m trying to succeed in a cut throat industry. An industry that from what I’ve seen is mostly men. I realized the first week of class in August that I was going to have to work hard as hell to even get ahead a little. For a whole semester I was working with people, busting my ass, offering up ideas and not even being recognized for them. I guess you could say I got used to being stabbed in the back by the people I didn’t even expect it from. I mean sure there’s a few guys who I would put a dollar on, that they would cheat me out of something in a heart beat. It’s the one’s I never imagined doing it though, they do it the worst.
So it’s the moment that I open myself up to a new group. The moment I become a team member, the moment that I plan and share an idea. It’s slipped out from under my feet. I sit on my ass having slipped myself wondering how this happened. That was last semester. This semester though, THIS YEAR. No I’m done with that.
Recently I was put into a group and after having planned the shoot and organized it. It comes time to shoot and guess where I am? Not there. I could feel the knife coming at my back I could see it too. It was in that moment that I pulled away. Shoved the rug under their feet. Furious all the while. I made a list. I know who will work with me and who wont. And I also know how badly it will hurt to get stabbed…. Which I will. But only when I least expect it.
I do believe that this knife has dulled down some.
Now though with this project due in two days, I’m shooting tonight. I came up with the idea on the spot. I know where I’m shooting and how it’s going to get done. The teacher had said something in class today… “You’ll always need a Gidget on set” and he meant some one like me. It was a backhanded complement. People are learning that as little as I may seem to do or not do, they need me. And the people today will realize that, the hard way albeit. And for having to learn the hard way, I pitty them.
So there you go.