Tuesday, March 18, 2008

You’re gonna miss this

    Isn't it funny how in the present a person might not be able to see something as clearly as it might actually be? Years later though hind sight is 20/20 and the unclearity that had been in that moment just doesn't seem to make sense. It's hard to live in everymoment and to realize every second just how rare it is.

    I spent years trying to get to somewhere else. I mean I can remember in the fifth grade I wanted to live somewhere other than where I was. When I was in the fifth grade I remember wanting to go to college somewhere where no one would know me, and I would go by a different name and be someone else completely. I wanted to start over.

    I don't miss living in Missouri, but I miss the familiarity of it. I mean every other time I've ever left, I always went back to Marshall. The friends and family I had there was what I always went back to. Well now I'm somewhere else, somewhere a little more permanent for me. At least I hope it is.

    Honestly, if I could go back to one time, I'd go back to my year in mexico. I wouldn't have done anything different, it was an amazing year. I do think though that I would have taken every moment and cherished it, I would have prayed that time would stop and let me live in the moment instead of always trying to live in the future.

    I had a revaltion today. I want to go back to Mexico in a really bad way, and while right now if I decided to go, I have the funds in my bank account to just go. But I wouldn't have anything left, and my job right now isn't enough to support me. I need to go back. But I realized it's not a smart decision right now, to just go somewhere when I'm not even sure that I'll be making enough to support myself. There's so many things I want right now. A bigger apartment, a dog, to go to mexico, new clothes, sunglasses. That's a small list. Ontop of that there's the basics, food, water, electric, yada yada. So it seems right now I'm not going anywhere. Except flordia for easter of coarse

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